Where did I go?

6 months ago I set out to take Wichita by storm. I was even contemplating running for office. I felt like I had finally found my sweet spot in life and a very bright future was ahead of me. And then, in a matter of a few days, it all got taken away from me and I was left with a void I didn’t know how to fill. In a mad rush to refill that void, I created a podcast, Facebook Page, and a Youtube channel. I was on fire, but it was the sort of super hot fire that quickly burned up all resourses sputtering out. A sudden flash and then just a weak glow of what it was. 

I had good ideas and well intentions, but what I didn’t have was a good execution plan, nor the mental well being to make it last. I was still reeling from having my dream job snatched away before I could fully live it. On top of that, my physical health was still hampering me, and of course, my mental health has always been so-so. So when the first mistake of my Podcast career happened on just my second podcast, it caused me to utterly and completely shut down. To most people, that may seem like a small thing, but to me, it destroyed me. It destroyed me because I knew it was my fault. I had not planned accordingly. I didn’t do the required research on what I needed. I was relying so heavily on “I can wing anything” attitude, I quickly got hit in the face that wasn’t going to work this time around. With that realization, I suddenly felt out of my depths and an imposter. And with those thoughts, I completely shut down. 

Not only did I not give an update on any of my social accounts, I ignored messages and posts. I promised a slew of parents a page for easy access so they could let their kids find online coding games, just to never update my page. I let my domain completely expire and didn’t even attempt to update it.  In simple terms, I gave up on everything I held dear. 

So I am here today, trying to move forward. I still have the dreams I had with Midwest Nerd Chick, those ideals never died, just the motivation to carry them out. I  have found out a bit more about my condition and how to better manage it, I am back on meds, have a decent job that I am liking, and oh ya, I got married. The last 6 months have also really helped me cement some things I want to do, and have raised questions on the other things I wanted to do in the past. 

My main goal of this post is to give a tentative “hey” back to the people who supported me and let you all know I am sorry for disappearing. To see if you are willing to give me another chance in creating something of this dream. I am making plans to start doing everything officially after the sometime next year after we find a house, so I am trying to really make a plan this time and make sure everything is well thought out. The one thing I need from each of you is what you would like to see in the future from MWNC. Be it on my FB page, here on my website, a podcast topic,  a video, or something on a social media account. You guys are the ones I am doing this for, and I want to make sure I do it right this time. Thank you. 

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