To Dream a Dream

To Dream a Dream

Originally posted 7/14/18

Lately, I have been feeling trapped and hopeless. The last 4 years of my life have been in pursuit of a career that I was positive would be my passion. It embodies all that I love. It is constantly changing, it causes me to stretch and learn, it even at times makes me feel like I will never be good enough. It lets me create something from nothing, something that can be shared with others. And, it can be boring. So very, very boring.

Sitting behind a desk for 8 hours straight, staring at code can be tedious. I do understand that a lot if that is still me learning, as when I am actually getting things done and I see things coming together, it causes an excitement. But that will most likely not be the norm in the long run. The norm will be me eventually taking a desk job, for some company that I will be just another employee. Creating whatever comes down the pipeline from someone else, while I slowly watch my soul die.

I am a dreamer. No matter how much I love logic and science, being a dreamer is a core part of me. And yes, I know that those things can go hand in hand. In fact, I actually think they should go hand in hand. To look at the stars and want to explore them, to know all there is about the building blocks of life, to want to create new and wonderful inventions, all of this comes from dreaming with science.

But alas, I am no scientist. I doubt I will ever have the attention span to even attempt to go down that path. That inner need to create and make new is still within me and it drives me. It drives me to connect with others around me with similar passions. To bring people together that share a common interest and see what comes from their ideas. To provide a place for those ideas to grow and come to life. No, I am not the scientist, but I am an explorer, I am a creator.

So I have made a decision. One that I hope I can ACTUALLY follow through with this time, as I think this one will actually be the one that makes me happy in the long one. I am going to continue to learn to program, as it does make me happy, even as it frustrates me. But it is going to be for my goals and my dreams. I am going to start a podcast, one that connects all the small groups and non-profits that I care about and share them with the city of Wichita. And I eventually plan on growing on that. I am going to have my dream of creating a place where all these groups can someday have their space. I want to help connect all of them with volunteers and help with fundraising. I want to use all of my resources to make a community for everyone here in Wichita.

These are my dreams, ones that I fully plan on fulfilling. Yes, it will be hard, and it will take a lot of dedication from me. But I know that I won’t be alone in this. I have an amazing boyfriend now, who fully supports me and somehow even accepts the quirky way my brain works. I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. Freinds who will cheer me on and be there to help this grow.

For this is my dream, to always be surrounded by people who love to create and are working to make the world a better place. I hope all of you can share this dream with me.

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