Now We are Thinking in Portals
Originally posted 7/15/12
Yes, this is a repeat from my notes from 2 years ago. But been talking gaming lately, and thought it was appropriate.
Congratulations!!! You are in love with a unique breed. One who can sit endlessly looking at a screen and never seem to move but gets pure enjoyment out of the experience. This is great. As long as you don’t mess with the gaming system area you can do whatever you want with the house, go out with friends, and have plenty of personal space. Now the bad news. You are in love with someone who can sit endlessly looking at a screen and never seem to move…
Anyhoo, I decided I wanted to write a few facts when it comes to you, the girlfriend/boyfriend of a gamer. Now I am a woman who married a non-gamer. I find it funny listening to my friends complain about their gaming husbands because it sounds a lot like my hubby complaining about me. And of course, my husband’s co-workers think he is the luckiest man alive being married to a gamer. I listen to them complain about what their wives nag about and it sounds a lot like me complaining about my hubby. So below is a list of things that you will just have to come to accept. It has nothing to do with being a man/woman. It is all about the game
1. Before we met you, Saturday was reserved for nothing but gaming. This has been our lifestyle for God knows how long. We realize that we need to spend time together but don’t expect us to be happy going antiquing/shopping/going for a walk in the park. We go because we love you, not because we want to. We will NEVER want to.
2. Since we are doing things we hate for you could you please let us have a couple Saturdays to sit and melt our brains? I mean, really? Is it so much to ask for you to leave us alone one day a week? You don’t have to leave the house but just don’t bug us that day, or give us the evil eye for sitting around doing nothing. (Yes we hear you say it’s ok but your tone and your facial expression say much different)
3. We keep different hours than you. Staying up till 2, 3, 4 in the morning is normal for us. (And if we have spent the day at that art gallery you really wanted to go to, you forfeit your evening with us anyway, so pick one)
4. Just because you decide today is a great day to deep clean the house doesn’t mean we agree. Here we are, minding our own business, playing that new COD and you bust out the mop bucket and dusters. Sorry, hon. Doesn’t work like that. We will keep on playing and you are just going to get pissy. But that is not our problem. YOU decided that ceiling fan was looking dingy, not us. Wait, we have a ceiling fan?
5. If we have a controller in our hands, don’t talk to us. We may respond but we have no clue what you are saying nor do we care. Don’t ask us where the new bookshelf should go, if the food you cooked taste good, or when we should go see your mother. Just walk away. We are not listening.
6. Want to spend time with us. Pick a game you can play with us. For my husband and I, it’s Mario Cart. I get to game, he gets quality time with me. Everyone is happy. Well almost….
7. Don’t expect us to let you win. We play to win. That’s why we game. Just because you and I swore before God to hold and cherish each other forever or had children together does not mean we have to let you win. Get over it. I know for a fact I will never be asked over to some of my friends’ houses because I am “too competitive” I don’t care either. I won. That’s all that matters. And when we do win, we talk smack. We will rub your nose in it. We expect the same from you if you (ever) win.
8. Someday we may have children and realize that we will have to give up some of my gaming ways. I know this as a mom of 4-year-old and an 18-month-old. I don’t game NEARLY as much as I used to. I accept this. But if you really love us, buy us Halo Reach, then offer to take the kiddos out for awhile. We promise to return the favor.
9. BUT accept the moment that child is old enough to hold a controller it will be our life goal to turn him/her into a gamer. That way, quality time with the kids revolves around the almighty PS3.
10. And although we may not beat the kids as we beat you at games we won’t just let the kids win either. I mean, how else do they know they need to get better. Besides, any child of mine better be giving me a run for my money before they are in kindergarten. If my child can’t game…well we won’t even go there.
So here you are. This is just the facts of life when you decide to love a gamer. You can’t change them. Most of us have been gaming since before we could write our name. So next time that gamer is getting you down, take a deep breath, look over this list, and go buy that $100 dress you have been wanting. We probably won’t even notice. (And your nagging is drowning out the screams of the dying in God of War, so just get out)